1
00:00:52,929 --> 00:00:55,348
There was no hope
after the apocalypse war.
2
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,101
The world was a stinking charnel house
3
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,437
with bodies rotting in the streets.
4
00:01:03,356 --> 00:01:04,941
And we'd won the bloody thing.
5
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:09,153
Everyone lost someone, me included.
6
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,949
And because the world
was ending from the damage done to it,
7
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,826
time wouldn't heal those wounds.
8
00:01:16,452 --> 00:01:19,914
But between thoughts of snuffing it
I had an idea.
9
00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,210
What if there was a way to make
10
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:26,963
all of it never have happened
in the first place?
11
00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:32,885
My plan needed The Flash
and his speed to recreate a flash point,
12
00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:34,929
to rewrite the past.
13
00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:36,597
I'd guide him with magic
14
00:01:36,973 --> 00:01:40,268
to change events
and keep Darkseid from ever finding us.
15
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:42,895
And for my past sins,
16
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:46,857
I decided to make sure
I paid this bill myself,
17
00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:48,734
no matter the price.
18
00:01:56,867 --> 00:02:00,454
It was the first truly
noble thing I'd ever done in my life.
19
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,708
And, oh, how it would cost me.
20
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,978
What the shite is this about?
21
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,494
Not bad.
22
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,050
Not the stairs then.
23
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:02,808
Keep it together, Johnny.
24
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,527
Surprise!
25
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,821
What's all this, then?
26
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,908
It's not every day
a wanker like you turns 50.
27
00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:21,911
Well, certainly not one
with as many demons
28
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,120
that want to kill you.
29
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:29,835
Stop that, Jason.
30
00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:35,924
Zee?
31
00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:39,345
Tonight is about friends,
32
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:42,181
family, and having made it
through it all.
33
00:03:42,515 --> 00:03:45,643
And beer. It's also about beer.
34
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,773
John, did you eat
the pickled eggs at the pub again?
35
00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:53,734
I keep telling you,
they don't change them.
36
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:56,028
No, no, no, It's not that. It's just...
37
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,155
I thought you were dead.
38
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,117
Of course not.
39
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:04,036
And don't scare the kids
before bedtime with your stories.
40
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:05,995
Kids?
41
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,581
Daddy!
42
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,625
She won't let me play with her.
43
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:13,879
Because he's a baby
that breaks my awesome creations.
44
00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:17,967
I told you to treat each other
fair and be nice.
45
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,679
Della, let him play,
and Jack, don't break stuff.
46
00:04:21,846 --> 00:04:23,889
Now give us a kiss and off to bed.
47
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:41,198
What's the matter?
Zee, some water here.
48
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:49,373
You too? Come here.
49
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,638
Jack!
50
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:11,812
Jason, call the doctor!
51
00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:45,429
For God's sake! No, no!
52
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:48,766
Someone help! Help me. Help!
53
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,274
Zee? You're okay?
54
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:01,838
Ritchie, if you're taking the piss,
55
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:05,699
I'll curse you with a ball sack fungus
that won't ever get sorted.
56
00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:09,537
Oh, it's not a joke, Daddy.
57
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,582
It's what you deserve.
58
00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:22,550
Happy birthday, John.
59
00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:56,292
Did you get lost
in your own home again, John?
60
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,297
Of course not. Where's my pint?
61
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,716
Hey, hey, hey, who is the dead geezer
62
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:06,176
we soul cast
to do his comedy act for us?
63
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,678
Edwin Tiggley.
64
00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:10,014
John was so sure it would work.
65
00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:13,475
Screwed that spell up royal.
66
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,978
He came back to us
as a rotting corpse.
67
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:20,774
Worst part was he couldn't
do his pa-pa-pa punch line without lips.
68
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,861
Come on. That made it funnier.
69
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:26,614
It's just a mouth full of teeth.
70
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,742
Oh, that's good, mate.
71
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:35,789
You know what to do
with a bad hand, John?
72
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,461
Get rid of it.
73
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:50,971
Come on, folks, let's give him a hand.
74
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,195
Who's there? Show yourself.
75
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,387
Most people use a match.
76
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,809
Oh, no. Nothing like that.
Just trying something out, you know?
77
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:38,686
Practice makes perfect.
78
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,269
You think so?
79
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,021
Show me.
80
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,863
You always were the smart one, Zee.
81
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:51,781
Just a minute.
82
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,325
Bloody buttons.
83
00:08:57,663 --> 00:09:00,541
- Kids asleep, then?
- What are you talking about?
84
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:01,875
We don't have kids.
85
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,589
We don't?
86
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,342
You said you weren't sure.
87
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,761
Have you changed your mind?
88
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,810
I think so. Yeah.
89
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:21,894
Yes.
90
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:26,316
Well then, this night
is going to be extra special.
91
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,153
I'm all in. One hundred percent.
92
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:35,325
Are you sure we don't have kids now?
93
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,203
Name of Jack, maybe Deli?
94
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:40,497
Delli? Very sure.
95
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:41,582
Come on, John.
96
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,042
I could use some attention.
97
00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:46,003
Right? 'Course.
98
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:47,628
Ready to go.
99
00:09:50,174 --> 00:09:52,342
But the thing of it is I'm fairly sure
100
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,053
you introduced me to our kids
not too long ago.
101
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,348
Why can't your mind be still?
102
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:22,456
Stairs it is then.
103
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,942
Okay, Mr. Lamp,
104
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:53,654
how about we introduce you
to Mr. Window!
105
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,490
Cheeky.
106
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,547
I'll have you now.
107
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,512
Son of a bitch.
108
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:43,787
Illusion tricks, eh?
I perfected that shite, mate.
109
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,881
Let's see who's winding me up.
110
00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:56,967
Remember how you got here.
111
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:13,233
Come back to bed, John.
112
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,281
So the manager asks,
"What's the act called?"
113
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:22,200
And the Dad says, "The Aristocrats."
114
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:30,167
- That was truly disgusting.
- And you secretly loved it.
115
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,337
And where do you think you're going?
116
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:35,880
The loo.
117
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,926
One in, one out, you know?
118
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:03,909
Um, fall in, Johnny?
119
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:05,744
Out in a minute, wanker.
120
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,680
This had better be worth it.
121
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:28,600
Now remember how you got here.
122
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:36,941
So that's it then.
123
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:41,196
Lock me in The House of Mystery
and throw away the key.
124
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:44,366
You have no idea
what you've set in motion.
125
00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:47,869
Changing the Earth's past
has created not a ripple,
126
00:13:48,412 --> 00:13:50,288
but a tidal wave of disturbance.
127
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,374
So, my spell had worked.
128
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,503
And Spectre, near-God wanker that he is,
129
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,840
took it upon himself to rap my knuckles.
130
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:01,842
You will no longer be allowed
131
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:04,678
to meddle with powers
you do not comprehend.
132
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,096
Wait, wait, wait.
133
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:08,098
What now, human?
134
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,308
I didn't know it was against the rules.
135
00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:11,560
No matter.
136
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,146
What I'm saying is that
others should understand
137
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:17,107
the high price they'll pay
if they do what I did.
138
00:14:19,735 --> 00:14:21,069
Announce my sentence.
139
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,156
It'll be like putting out a warning cone
140
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:27,159
on a dangerous street
for us puny mortals.
141
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:32,956
John Constantine,
142
00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:36,376
for changing
your planet's past and future,
143
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:39,087
you are sentenced to spend eternity
144
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,131
in The House of Mystery.
145
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:45,635
And, of course, I said something cheeky
to piss him off.
146
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,805
If you ever give up
this almost-God thing,
147
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,891
you'd be a fantastic town-crier.
148
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:53,143
You know, hear ye, hear ye!
149
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,732
Your outfit sucks!
150
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,406
Where'd you learn to use the crapper?
151
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:07,949
Bugger off.
152
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:23,507
After learning the truth,
153
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,427
the memory wipe and confusion spells
didn't work for long.
154
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:34,101
This led to me being murdered.
155
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,609
You'd think that would have
been the end of it?
156
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,064
You'd be wrong.
157
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,778
The Spectre's vengeance spell
kept resetting me back to square one.
158
00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:49,241
So I got to experience death
at the hands of my friends,
159
00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:53,620
and loved ones over and over again.
160
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,474
Got to the point
where the comical deaths
161
00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,143
were a nice change of pace.
162
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:20,313
Go to sleep, you little wanker!
163
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,279
No telly for you!
164
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,777
Victory! Yes!
165
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,076
And since The House of Mystery
166
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,662
is free from the bondings
of normal time,
167
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,875
the days turned into months.
168
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,251
Then years.
169
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,046
Then decades.
170
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,426
And finally centuries.
171
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,597
For me, time was nothing more
172
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,849
than a blood soaked blur.
173
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:41,477
And just when I thought
174
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,813
things couldn't possibly
get any worse...
175
00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:49,819
you showed up.
176
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,911
Nice to see you, John.
177
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,498
I stand by my decision.
178
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:06,878
As I said, the world was shite
and none of us had very much to lose.
179
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:14,261
Oh, I'll show you
how much you have to lose.
180
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,225
Not ready yet, huh?
181
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:23,019
If the poker isn't cherry red,
182
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,982
I find the victim
doesn't get the full effect.
183
00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:30,902
Anything worth doing
is worth doing right, eh, Nergal?
184
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:33,863
Indeed.
185
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:37,742
When I heard the Spectre's announcement
that you would spend eternity
186
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:39,661
under glorified house arrest,
187
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,330
I couldn't abide by that.
188
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,958
I own your soul.
189
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,920
I should be the one
to mete out your punishment.
190
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,756
Mom always said, "Fair's fair."
191
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:54,884
You seem content
with your decision.
192
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:58,054
Perhaps you think an eternity of torture
193
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,099
is worth what you
and your friends received.
194
00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:04,936
Well, challenge accepted.
195
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,191
What's this?
196
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,738
Did you think you were the only one
who wanted to torture me?
197
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,826
Constantine, now I have you!
198
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,370
What are you doing here?
199
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:27,042
I'm about to torture
this wretch for eternity.
200
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,376
Wrong.
201
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,587
I'll be doing the torturing.
202
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,882
I own his soul. See?
203
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:38,178
You sold your eternal soul, twice?
204
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:39,303
"Course not.
205
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:46,102
I, Ashox, second of the fallen,
206
00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:49,356
come to claim this human's soul.
207
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,025
I sold it three times.
208
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,236
Over your dead body.
209
00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:00,533
I own his true soul contract.
210
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:03,661
I will violently disagree.
211
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:06,581
I demand you both leave this place.
212
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,000
Or what, you pompous ass?
213
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:12,379
Precedence. I claim precedence.
214
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,817
- How dare you?
- I will simply break the chains.
215
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:34,900
Don't do that.
216
00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:40,198
Can't you see the spell
is fueled by our own rage?
217
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,282
Right you are, Ashox.
218
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,035
If you all manage to think nice thoughts
219
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,537
about butterflies, kittens,
220
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,456
shite like that,
the chains drop right off.
221
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:50,375
I will kill you.
222
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,256
Well, that's not a nice thought.
223
00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,842
I really have to thank you lot.
224
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,636
I could have never gotten
out of here without you.
225
00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:05,765
See, Spectre's much too powerful
for the mere mortal like myself.
226
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:07,809
So I got him to tell you where I was.
227
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,812
So you three arseholes
could break me out.
228
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:14,607
- He tricked us!
- You're such a fool.
229
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,569
Why didn't you begin
torturing him immediately?
230
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:20,029
I was savoring the moment.
231
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,032
But who are you calling a fool,
232
00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:24,868
trapped right next to me?
233
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,787
If the dunce cap fits, Nergal.
234
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,497
Enough talk!
235
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,044
Cheers, wankers. See you never.
236
00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:45,180
Taking a stroll
in the world between worlds.
237
00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:47,265
Not bad, Johnny boy.
238
00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:51,602
Uh-oh.
239
00:21:57,525 --> 00:22:00,695
You were supposed to be
imprisoned for eternity.
240
00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:03,031
I guess eternity is not
what it used to be.
241
00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:07,785
- Apparently not.
- Well, off I go then.
242
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:12,332
Don't you have anyone else
to bother, anyone at all?
243
00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:15,960
At the moment,
you are my most troublesome issue.
244
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:17,044
What now?
245
00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:20,465
Wipe my memory
until I'm a piece of fruit,
246
00:22:20,548 --> 00:22:22,091
or continue using Zee
247
00:22:22,175 --> 00:22:24,469
and the rest of my friends
to rip me apart.
248
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:26,262
You mistake me, human.
249
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:28,139
I meant you no ill intent.
250
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,226
What, turning the love
of my life into a succubus,
251
00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:33,394
my best mates into demons?
252
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:35,313
Seems ill to me.
253
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,274
I put you in a place
where you could spend eternity
254
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:42,570
with those closest to you
in an endless, perfect dream.
255
00:22:43,238 --> 00:22:46,157
You think yourself
unworthy of happiness.
256
00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:49,327
You are unwilling or unable
257
00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:53,081
to confine your failures
in the past to the past.
258
00:22:53,623 --> 00:22:58,294
- Even when those who died forgave you.
- Bloody hell!
259
00:22:59,837 --> 00:23:02,715
I did it... to myself.
260
00:23:03,758 --> 00:23:04,758
All of it.
261
00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:09,055
I turned Zee into a monster
along with everyone else.
262
00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:11,182
I'm broken.
263
00:23:11,849 --> 00:23:15,770
Now, at last, you finally see.
264
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,190
I accept my punishment, Spectre.
265
00:23:19,649 --> 00:23:20,733
No more tricks.
266
00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:23,319
I'll stay put, forever.
267
00:23:23,945 --> 00:23:26,281
I tried to shield you
from the consequences
268
00:23:26,364 --> 00:23:27,532
of changing the past,
269
00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:30,285
but that window is now closed.
270
00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:34,831
You know, you God-like beings
can be a real pain in my arse.
271
00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:37,375
Just tell me what you want!
272
00:23:38,293 --> 00:23:40,211
I? Nothing.
273
00:23:41,004 --> 00:23:43,923
It is the universe
that demands restitution.
274
00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:47,051
The universe is a living thing.
275
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,638
The wonders within exist for all of us.
276
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:59,314
It's glorious. It is!
277
00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:01,482
I can see everything.
278
00:24:03,568 --> 00:24:05,069
I understand now.
279
00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:08,364
It's... Wait!
280
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:13,369
You were selfish.
281
00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:17,248
You caused the universe harm
by breaking its rules.
282
00:24:17,707 --> 00:24:21,628
And now, the universe
will exact its price.
283
00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:24,714
No, not this. Spectre, help me!
284
00:24:25,506 --> 00:24:26,633
Don't let this happen.
285
00:24:28,593 --> 00:24:30,970
Use your power, Spectre. Kill me!
286
00:24:31,262 --> 00:24:33,806
Kill me!
287
00:24:36,267 --> 00:24:39,479
Woe to you, John Constantine.